依賴

我。。。
做什麽事情都沒有信心，
因爲我害怕失敗，
害怕失去，
從此再也沒有第二次的機會。

我真的很沒有用，
不管朋友如何給與鼓勵，
也提不起勇氣。

我一直都在依賴着其他人，
有什麽困難都不敢嘗試去面對，
永遠只會逃避，
就算是做一個簡單的選擇也要猶豫。

爲什麽我就是那麽膽小？
遇到困難時只會等待他人來幫助，
重來都不學會獨立。。。

我不喜歡離別的感覺，
不喜歡失去所擁有的，
不喜歡說再見。

因爲"再見"這兩個字從來都不是真實的。。。

居然上天讓人有機會相遇，
爲什麽又要我們分離呢？？

Seeking... 思遠...

Found out that sometimes people don't understand me very well, or even I don't even understand myself and what I want...

What am I doing now?
What should I do?
What did I really wanted?
What do I live for?

I don't even understand myself...

Humans sometimes live without any objectives and yet make life meaningless... I don't even know why I am typing these words now...

I wish that I could become an eagle where I can fly freely in the skies, looking down from above and go wherever I wanted to...

人生, 充滿着許許多多的挑戰, 困難, 折磨...
我們都往往因為一些小事情而搞到自己悶悶不樂, 影響了其他人 。
但往更深的一層想, 我們為甚麼要為那麼小事情而影響自己的心情呢? 這問題我想了很久也找不到答案 。


在地球上, 人類只不過是一個渺小的生物, 而有什麼資格去為一件小事煩惱呢?
凭着宇宙就有着成千上萬個行星了, 而我們人類卻是那麼的渺小...
那麼是不是說明了我們都應該懂得放手呢?
我們是不是不應該用钥匙洞來看世界呢???
人類是不是應該永遠都追念未來呢?

人, 到底是為了什麼而活下來?
人, 凭什麼而活下來? . . .

原來...

一直以為自己是他們的一分子,
但原來,
原來我一直都在自以為...
我原來根本都不屬於他們...
我也許是一個只會被人利用的笨蛋吧...

居然都知道是人家的事,
人家做錯了,
為何還要去理會別人
去自找麻煩呢?

或許我真的不應該,
那麼多管閒事...
但為何知道人家錯了
而或許知道別人根本不想知道自己錯了
還要去拉人家一把呢??

可能是我自己多管閒事吧
或許我根本從開始就不該知道那麼多...

原來 ,
一開始我只是個外人...

UEC EXAM

統考。。。
我沒信心。。。
我只剩下的是希望，
希望我可以得到 A，
因爲家人都對我的期望很高，
我的壓力無形中也增加了很多。

第一天的統考（華文和科學）
科學我一向都很有信心，但到了這次考試我的信心完全被打入地獄。 我讀到晚上4點也才讀完了生物，結果化學到了第二天才匆匆忙忙的讀了幾下。物理我有補習，以爲我一定會，結果也犯了那不該犯的簡單錯誤。陳思銘啊，你真沒用！！！

華文更不用説了，完全沒信心。身為一個華人的我，竟然連自己的母語也學不好，那跟丟了自己的文化，自尊沒什麽分別。唉，我真可悲啊！！！


第二天統考 (國文和地理)
國文我都有補習， 再加上老師們的細心教導， 所以我的國文沒有什麽問題。　本來還向鄭玉晶老師借了一本參考書來讀，但最后還是沒有時間讀，對不起啊老師。

地理呢，我一個星期前就開始讀了，只剩下初三還沒讀。幸好秦老師借我她的筆記，讓我更了解課文。但是到了昨天開始讀了一下感覺有點累就不知不覺得睡着了．．．結果到了今天才在學校趕完其他的章節．．．

第三天統考　（英文和歷史）
英文應該沒有什麽問題吧．．．我都是到了學校才在考試前讀的。但是結果在考試時出了一些讓人很難明白的短文．．．但是我想我都應該是應付得來的！！！

歷史是我最弱的科目，因爲我都不是那種背書的機器，再加上我又對歷史沒有興趣，所以使到我背到不熟。爲了準備歷史，整個星期天都在那裏埋頭苦讀．．．好辛苦呀！結果到了晚上我也只是讀完了初二歷史而已，到了另一天我才大概的看了一下初三歷史而已．．．真實慚愧 T_T

奇跡的事情發生了！！！　歷史考試裏的其中一題問答題是問砂拉越的内戰。那應該是初三的，我就一直想歷史的馬來西亞史和Sejarah 是沒有什麽大差別的。我又想不到砂拉越到底有過什麽内戰，腦海裏只有　JAMES BROOKE ，我就隨便吹了一個有關Pageran Indera Mahkota 的東西然後說是JAMES BROOKE去停止内戰的，結果真的給我猜中了！！！


最後一天的統考　（數學）
最後一天了！！！昨晚上還懂了一下電腦，但我還是乖乖地聼陳良聲老師的話，9:30pm就睡覺了。到了第二天看了一下數學的公式就上考場打最後的一場戰了。

考完過後，我非常傷心。因爲我的試卷二有一個小題真題算錯了，而且我的選擇題也錯了不少。。。陳老師，我真的是對不起你啊！！！我想我可能會讓你失望，因爲我可能得不到甲等。。。

ALERT!!! UEC Invading!!!!

ARRR the UEC exam or known as 統考 in chinese is coming in 2 days time!!! I will totally have a very very very hard time and I don't even know if I hav the chance to write my daily exam diary T_T please god bless everything to me!!!

年老。。。

我至今還記得上一個假期，
我陪了婆婆到新加坡，
我們是去那裏看病的。
我的婆婆脊髓有了一塊多長出來的骨頭。

婆婆每天都要忙着做家務，
雖然骨頭也不出聲，
一直默默的在那裏。。。
而我卻每天埋怨她偏心表妹，
在她面前給他面色看。

婆婆生病了，
每天都需要媽媽幫她打針。
我問她會不會痛，
他卻説針頭很小不痛。
爲什麽我是那麽的無能，
不能為她做任何事情。
我連一支針也不敢幫她打，
只能向上天祈求，
讓婆婆長命，
做無畏的掙扎。。。

婆婆我很想永遠都可以吃到您煮的東西，
我很想永遠和你都不分離，
婆婆您可以不要離開我嗎？
我很怕有一天我會突然失去你。。。

PMR....

Objective: Score 8A's in PMR

People I am sorry to if i failed:
(i) My teachers... I don't know if you guys put hopes on me, but i will truly be extremely sorry if i can't even scora A in PMR, especially Teacher 芝芝. You'va put so much efforts in us.
(ii) My parents
(iii) My grandparents
(iv) My coaches Yvonne & Elwin
(v) My warden Grace


1st day of PMR
Today's exam is Bahasa Melayu. I should have no problem. Yes I have no problem doing it, but the stupid Penolong Pegawas mislead me that we can use liquid! OMG my marks will be deducted...

2nd day of PMR
Science and English today. In order to prepare for my Science, i swallowed 2 bottle of Nescafe and i slept for only 3 hours today. And guess what? I got a gastric! It suffers me so long that I can't really focus 100% on the Science. Hope everything goes well....

But for today I finally realize the important of FRIENDSHIP because when I am having gastric, my friends is so worried about me. They ask me why didn't I take care of myself and other question. Thanks guys, thanks for the confidence you gave me.

3rd day of PMR
OMG!!! I accidentally slept yesterday and I still haven't study my form 3 Geography! But the exam today is kinda easy, wonder if I can get an A for this subject. As I really suck in Geography, but because of the support my Geography teacher gave me, so I think I could do pretty well.
秦老師， 謝謝您。。。

4th day of PMR
Oh, guess what subject is for today? MATHEMATICS!!! My favourite^^ Well, I swear to myself for that if I did not score an A for my Maths, I will jump down from KLCC that day haha...

Hmmm, I didn't study much for Sejarah. Last night, I spent whole night studying form 3 Sejarah because I had already finished studying my Form 1 & 2 last week~ Before the examination, I was so nervous that I lost my way in revising form 1&2's Sejarah. But luckily I "accidentally" saw the page with Penghulu Bendahari's kawasan pegangan which I got it correct in the exam!

Well, I can't say that luck does not exist and yet I have to admit that we still nid a bit of LUCK in everything we do.

Last day of PMR
Having Kemahiran Hidup and Chinese for today. K.H. I should have no problem studying it as I always score almost full marks during form 2 and I have pretty much confident in this subject. Unfortunately, when I am studying form 3 K.H. last night, I felt very very drowsy and tired then I went to bed and set the alarm to 2:30 a.m. but the alarm clock didn't ring!!! So I have to study my form 3 K.H. the next morning in school, my goodness that I manage to finish it!

I have rather no confident in my Chinese because I sucks in this subject and always score low marks for Chinese. And i wasted 3 papers for my "中楷" and luckily Sean that was beside my borrow me his brush when the teacher was not paying attention! Hope My CHinese could score A and pls every types of god in this world bless me...


RESULTS!
Chinese ?/40
B.M 30/40 awwww not satisfied
Inggeris 38/40
Geography 57/60
Sejarah 55/60
Science 38/40(not sure)
K.H. UNKNOWN(impossible to know because they took back the paper =.=)
Maths 40/40

我真的好累。。。我可以休息一下嗎？
考試。。。這負擔好沉重啊。。。