統考

統考成績終于出爐了。。。
我還在臺灣，
結果我給盛發了簡訊。

我拿了6個A，
我的華文沒拿到A,
父母說：“啊，那你沒有得買你要的了！”
那時我的眼淚差一些就掉了下來。。。

爲什麽呢？
我不知道，
不是因爲我沒得買我要的東西。
但是爲什麽呢？

不滿？
不甘心？
我不知道。。。
盛說不知道是一個逃避的理由

我拿了6個A， 應該高興啊！
但我卻一點也不高興，
可能我已經忘記了被人稱讚時的快樂，
或是說可能我自己把快樂隱藏起來，
還是我已經把快樂都忘記了？

有些人說我有時笑得很疆，
其實我應該是不會笑了，
可能是因爲從小都被爸爸管教的很嚴吧。

其實我真的很想找回我最初最真實的笑容。。。

公公, 我愛你...

昨天，我和阿姨陪公公到醫院。
公公最近一直受斌病魔的折磨，
時不時都會有劇烈的疼痛，
每當他在那裏呻吟時，
我的心都非常的痛。

我非常憎恨自己，
痛恨自己爲什麽那麽沒用，
公公每次在那裏呻吟時，
我什麽都做不到，
就只能在那裏看着他一個人。。。
一個人承受痛苦。

媽媽之前有和我說醫生告訴她說，
公公有5成機會或不到15個月，
當時沒有什麽感覺，
但昨天聼醫生說公公只能活最多到三年時，
但我們不能確定，因爲神是最偉大的。

我聼了之後，
一直忍着眼淚不讓它掉下，
我希望我可以把公公的痛苦全部嫁禍到我身上，
希望我短活幾年以延長公公的壽命。。。

公公，
我不想失去你。。。
我希望你不要離開我，
因爲我要你看到我高三的畢業証書。。。

依賴

我。。。
做什麽事情都沒有信心，
因爲我害怕失敗，
害怕失去，
從此再也沒有第二次的機會。

我真的很沒有用，
不管朋友如何給與鼓勵，
也提不起勇氣。

我一直都在依賴着其他人，
有什麽困難都不敢嘗試去面對，
永遠只會逃避，
就算是做一個簡單的選擇也要猶豫。

爲什麽我就是那麽膽小？
遇到困難時只會等待他人來幫助，
重來都不學會獨立。。。

我不喜歡離別的感覺，
不喜歡失去所擁有的，
不喜歡說再見。

因爲"再見"這兩個字從來都不是真實的。。。

居然上天讓人有機會相遇，
爲什麽又要我們分離呢？？

Seeking... 思遠...

Found out that sometimes people don't understand me very well, or even I don't even understand myself and what I want...

What am I doing now?
What should I do?
What did I really wanted?
What do I live for?

I don't even understand myself...

Humans sometimes live without any objectives and yet make life meaningless... I don't even know why I am typing these words now...

I wish that I could become an eagle where I can fly freely in the skies, looking down from above and go wherever I wanted to...

人生, 充滿着許許多多的挑戰, 困難, 折磨...
我們都往往因為一些小事情而搞到自己悶悶不樂, 影響了其他人 。
但往更深的一層想, 我們為甚麼要為那麼小事情而影響自己的心情呢? 這問題我想了很久也找不到答案 。


在地球上, 人類只不過是一個渺小的生物, 而有什麼資格去為一件小事煩惱呢?
凭着宇宙就有着成千上萬個行星了, 而我們人類卻是那麼的渺小...
那麼是不是說明了我們都應該懂得放手呢?
我們是不是不應該用钥匙洞來看世界呢???
人類是不是應該永遠都追念未來呢?

人, 到底是為了什麼而活下來?
人, 凭什麼而活下來? . . .

原來...

一直以為自己是他們的一分子,
但原來,
原來我一直都在自以為...
我原來根本都不屬於他們...
我也許是一個只會被人利用的笨蛋吧...

居然都知道是人家的事,
人家做錯了,
為何還要去理會別人
去自找麻煩呢?

或許我真的不應該,
那麼多管閒事...
但為何知道人家錯了
而或許知道別人根本不想知道自己錯了
還要去拉人家一把呢??

可能是我自己多管閒事吧
或許我根本從開始就不該知道那麼多...

原來 ,
一開始我只是個外人...

UEC EXAM

統考。。。
我沒信心。。。
我只剩下的是希望，
希望我可以得到 A，
因爲家人都對我的期望很高，
我的壓力無形中也增加了很多。

第一天的統考（華文和科學）
科學我一向都很有信心，但到了這次考試我的信心完全被打入地獄。 我讀到晚上4點也才讀完了生物，結果化學到了第二天才匆匆忙忙的讀了幾下。物理我有補習，以爲我一定會，結果也犯了那不該犯的簡單錯誤。陳思銘啊，你真沒用！！！

華文更不用説了，完全沒信心。身為一個華人的我，竟然連自己的母語也學不好，那跟丟了自己的文化，自尊沒什麽分別。唉，我真可悲啊！！！


第二天統考 (國文和地理)
國文我都有補習， 再加上老師們的細心教導， 所以我的國文沒有什麽問題。　本來還向鄭玉晶老師借了一本參考書來讀，但最后還是沒有時間讀，對不起啊老師。

地理呢，我一個星期前就開始讀了，只剩下初三還沒讀。幸好秦老師借我她的筆記，讓我更了解課文。但是到了昨天開始讀了一下感覺有點累就不知不覺得睡着了．．．結果到了今天才在學校趕完其他的章節．．．

第三天統考　（英文和歷史）
英文應該沒有什麽問題吧．．．我都是到了學校才在考試前讀的。但是結果在考試時出了一些讓人很難明白的短文．．．但是我想我都應該是應付得來的！！！

歷史是我最弱的科目，因爲我都不是那種背書的機器，再加上我又對歷史沒有興趣，所以使到我背到不熟。爲了準備歷史，整個星期天都在那裏埋頭苦讀．．．好辛苦呀！結果到了晚上我也只是讀完了初二歷史而已，到了另一天我才大概的看了一下初三歷史而已．．．真實慚愧 T_T

奇跡的事情發生了！！！　歷史考試裏的其中一題問答題是問砂拉越的内戰。那應該是初三的，我就一直想歷史的馬來西亞史和Sejarah 是沒有什麽大差別的。我又想不到砂拉越到底有過什麽内戰，腦海裏只有　JAMES BROOKE ，我就隨便吹了一個有關Pageran Indera Mahkota 的東西然後說是JAMES BROOKE去停止内戰的，結果真的給我猜中了！！！


最後一天的統考　（數學）
最後一天了！！！昨晚上還懂了一下電腦，但我還是乖乖地聼陳良聲老師的話，9:30pm就睡覺了。到了第二天看了一下數學的公式就上考場打最後的一場戰了。

考完過後，我非常傷心。因爲我的試卷二有一個小題真題算錯了，而且我的選擇題也錯了不少。。。陳老師，我真的是對不起你啊！！！我想我可能會讓你失望，因爲我可能得不到甲等。。。

ALERT!!! UEC Invading!!!!

ARRR the UEC exam or known as 統考 in chinese is coming in 2 days time!!! I will totally have a very very very hard time and I don't even know if I hav the chance to write my daily exam diary T_T please god bless everything to me!!!

年老。。。

我至今還記得上一個假期，
我陪了婆婆到新加坡，
我們是去那裏看病的。
我的婆婆脊髓有了一塊多長出來的骨頭。

婆婆每天都要忙着做家務，
雖然骨頭也不出聲，
一直默默的在那裏。。。
而我卻每天埋怨她偏心表妹，
在她面前給他面色看。

婆婆生病了，
每天都需要媽媽幫她打針。
我問她會不會痛，
他卻説針頭很小不痛。
爲什麽我是那麽的無能，
不能為她做任何事情。
我連一支針也不敢幫她打，
只能向上天祈求，
讓婆婆長命，
做無畏的掙扎。。。

婆婆我很想永遠都可以吃到您煮的東西，
我很想永遠和你都不分離，
婆婆您可以不要離開我嗎？
我很怕有一天我會突然失去你。。。

PMR....

Objective: Score 8A's in PMR

People I am sorry to if i failed:
(i) My teachers... I don't know if you guys put hopes on me, but i will truly be extremely sorry if i can't even scora A in PMR, especially Teacher 芝芝. You'va put so much efforts in us.
(ii) My parents
(iii) My grandparents
(iv) My coaches Yvonne & Elwin
(v) My warden Grace


1st day of PMR
Today's exam is Bahasa Melayu. I should have no problem. Yes I have no problem doing it, but the stupid Penolong Pegawas mislead me that we can use liquid! OMG my marks will be deducted...

2nd day of PMR
Science and English today. In order to prepare for my Science, i swallowed 2 bottle of Nescafe and i slept for only 3 hours today. And guess what? I got a gastric! It suffers me so long that I can't really focus 100% on the Science. Hope everything goes well....

But for today I finally realize the important of FRIENDSHIP because when I am having gastric, my friends is so worried about me. They ask me why didn't I take care of myself and other question. Thanks guys, thanks for the confidence you gave me.

3rd day of PMR
OMG!!! I accidentally slept yesterday and I still haven't study my form 3 Geography! But the exam today is kinda easy, wonder if I can get an A for this subject. As I really suck in Geography, but because of the support my Geography teacher gave me, so I think I could do pretty well.
秦老師， 謝謝您。。。

4th day of PMR
Oh, guess what subject is for today? MATHEMATICS!!! My favourite^^ Well, I swear to myself for that if I did not score an A for my Maths, I will jump down from KLCC that day haha...

Hmmm, I didn't study much for Sejarah. Last night, I spent whole night studying form 3 Sejarah because I had already finished studying my Form 1 & 2 last week~ Before the examination, I was so nervous that I lost my way in revising form 1&2's Sejarah. But luckily I "accidentally" saw the page with Penghulu Bendahari's kawasan pegangan which I got it correct in the exam!

Well, I can't say that luck does not exist and yet I have to admit that we still nid a bit of LUCK in everything we do.

Last day of PMR
Having Kemahiran Hidup and Chinese for today. K.H. I should have no problem studying it as I always score almost full marks during form 2 and I have pretty much confident in this subject. Unfortunately, when I am studying form 3 K.H. last night, I felt very very drowsy and tired then I went to bed and set the alarm to 2:30 a.m. but the alarm clock didn't ring!!! So I have to study my form 3 K.H. the next morning in school, my goodness that I manage to finish it!

I have rather no confident in my Chinese because I sucks in this subject and always score low marks for Chinese. And i wasted 3 papers for my "中楷" and luckily Sean that was beside my borrow me his brush when the teacher was not paying attention! Hope My CHinese could score A and pls every types of god in this world bless me...


RESULTS!
Chinese ?/40
B.M 30/40 awwww not satisfied
Inggeris 38/40
Geography 57/60
Sejarah 55/60
Science 38/40(not sure)
K.H. UNKNOWN(impossible to know because they took back the paper =.=)
Maths 40/40

我真的好累。。。我可以休息一下嗎？
考試。。。這負擔好沉重啊。。。

天時不如地利，地利不如人和

2009年8月8日，
台灣發生了一場殘不忍睹的颱風，
“莫拉克颱風”。。。

這次的天災，
到底是誰的錯誤呢？
我們大家應該怪誰呢？
發生原因是什麽？

也許很多人會說，
管我什麽事？這是天災呀！
但在讀得你們只不知道，
其實這都是人類所造成的！

人們自私自利，爲了自己的方便，
隨意浪費地球資源。
人們爲了自己，開發土地。

這次對很多人來説是個大災禍。
但我覺得其實是上帝想懲罰我們這群無知的人類。
雖然是個災害，但卻染人們有個雪中送炭的機會，
讓人間再次充滿愛心，溫暖，關懷。。。
也讓我們知道自私的政府的緩慢行動。

所謂“天時不如地利，地利不如人和”，
相信沒有一個人沒有聼過這句話。
所以不管有多嚴重的災害，
只要人們團結一致，互相幫助，
就一定能克服這次的挑戰。

佛光山救濟團，
在拯救災民過程中，
不管是否信仰佛教，
一律歡迎到急救營區。
甚至還爲了讓災民住地更舒服，
更破例讓災民吃肉類，
完全實行了“無我”的心態。
真是讓人欣慰。。。

也有一個叫“慈濟公德會”的團體，
他們不斷地為這次災禍做研究，
發明了各種口味的白飯，
以讓人們不會“吃厭”救災區的食物。
他們更爲了支持環保，
改用環保的碗碟。

但願這世上充滿愛心，
使得全部不好的習慣完全被消除。
更希望政府擁有“同理心”，
時時刻刻警記自己的責任，
這樣才沒有更多的生命被犧牲。。。
人們自己也必須自我檢討，
開始環保，回收廢物，
以不讓地球繼續生病。

我們必須永遠記住，
只要團結一致，
什麽問題都不成問題！

A Cute Video

Check out this cute little video I'ce got from my friend, Purple's blog!

Our Life Courier!!!

Yay! Today I have finally finished my PMR Trial Exam, unfortunately I made a very very very big mistake! GOSH! I forgot to put on my "Numbers Of Words" in my chinese exam today! 2marks deducted... Gonna beg my teacher tommorrow XD

Another bad thing about this exam is my Bahasa Malaysia sucks in that objective section. But most of my friends get kinda low marks in B.M. objective same as me =) Actually, I really can and can't blame myself for this. Reason:

(1) The objective paper is set by the B.M.'s Ketua Panita that I heard from a teacher he is only responsible for Senior's exam but this time he is so "kepoji" to help our teacher... (There's even words that he find ESPECIALLY from the dictionary that even my teacher need to find the dictionary for explaination!)

(2) I maybe should blame myself that is because I didn't have the time to study the objective thing due to i spend too much time in my Novel. Aww...


I am also extremely sad that I am careless in my Science. I got a wrong from the mass and weight question which i shouldn't be!!! I spent whole Sunday studying my Science that I abandoned my Sejarah^^(Luckily I have no time to study Form2 Sejarah and there is very few question about Form2 Sejarah in my exam)

Well, Kevin do you think you are free now? NO, you aren't! Face the music, after this holiday and u will have your UEC Trial Exam and then PMR and UEC. Gosh, great.... I should've get A LOT of punishment in my exam this time:
(1) Don't be careless!
(2) Do your paper fast so that u don't have to rush and u won't be that careless!
(3) Don't make study last minute or u will be DOOM!
(4) Pay more attention in the class (I did this well =D)


That above is what I wrote after the exam in the 1st day but things changed after the 2nd day...
I've got my result and it was really dissapointing...
Chinese(1)-30/40
Chinese(2)-40/60
English(1)-35/40
English(2)-71/90
B.M. (1)-22/40
B.M. (2)-73/100
Science(1)-34/40
Science(2)-54.5/60
Maths (1)-40/40
Maths (2)-44.5/60
Geografi -70%
Sejarah -62%
Kemahiran Hidup-80%


I am not gonna give up. Thx Yvonne for what you've said to me, I will take this as a lesson and try my very best for full A in my UEC trial even I know it's hard, I will also give my very best shot!

离别。。。

難道世上真的是“無常”的嗎？？？
我老師告訴我“世上沒有不散的宴席”。

陳良聲老師明年就要离開學校了。。。
我想可能也沒有機會相遇了。。。
我很想讓她看到我可以在考試裏得到好的成績
我是個無能的傢伙，
老師要離開了但卻讓她失望，
我是個什麽也做不到的廢人。。。

人爲何要經歷“离别”呢？
難道這是所謂的輪回嗎？
人生如果沒有“离别”會是完美嗎？
有人可以告訴我嗎？
難道只有遺忘可以使“离别”不痛苦嗎？

Friends...

Everyone have a best friend. Everyone enjoy the time with their best friend before. But, I have no right to have a best friend, I make a fool of everyone in my life... I am just a jerk! What do i deserve to have a friend! I just a person that make a use of everyone in the world. When others need my help I just abandone them and put them aside... I SHOULD LEAVE THIS WORLD!





一想起我有朋友，我的眼淚便不停的掉下。。。
我，有資格擁有朋友嗎？
我只是一個自私地白痴
只會想到自己，完全不顧及他人感受
如果可以，我想擁有一架時光機，讓我彌補所有。。。
但如果我有那一個機會，我可能也不懂得如何去珍惜
我只會讓他人哭泣。。。把人家的快樂隱藏起來。。。

如果我是個啞巴那有多好，
這樣世上就再也沒有人被我傷害。。。
沒有人因爲我而哭泣。。。

可能如果世上沒有我，
會更加完美。。。

佛學會考

今天，是全馬的佛光山統一會考，但我沒什麽準備。。。幸好的是上次謝老師友幫我們復習，所以沒什麽好緊張的。因爲他除給我們的預考都比真正的考試難，所以應該沒什麽問題。

我今天早上都拿來讀考試的東西，原來都很簡單。只要有背到的，都會在考卷上出來，所以這安慰了我。我應該只錯一題，那時 "General Knowledge", 也就是說在課本找不到的。。。 >_<

Music In Our Life

Music,
Could control our souls,
Make us think another different ways in life,
World without music is meaningless.

Music,
Could control our feelings,
Control our acts, emotion,
Bring us sadness, happiness...

Music,
May you bless the world,
So that everyone have a very own feeling,
In their very own heart.

Yvonne's Tears

After reading your e-mail Yvonne, my tears began to fall too... I was too touched by the words you gave me. And I will always remember what you have taught me in the class. You were really a very good and caring coach. Your tears reflects that you're an emotional person, that makes you always care for others around you.

If I am not wrong, you care how the people around you feels and will try as hard as possible to help them no matter what. Your care the people around you more than you care about yourself. Even though you said i did not dissapoint you guys, but I knew i could do better.

Tears, can sometimes bring away the sadness of someone. I once heard that tears is only used for washing our face since it will dissapear after it's over. But laughter will always exist in our memory until the end of our life...

Sometimes, I think that I am really a useless jerk. All I would care is myself. I did not even care about how others feel and how I would hurt them. Yvonne, your tears sometimes reminds me how I make others cry. I am an idiot that will only bring tears to others and laughter to them. Maybe the world will be better without my existence...

佛學班周記

下星期有佛學會考呀！！>.< 死了我醬忙，哪有時閒讀呀？ 今天，謝華才在放學前交了我們 “暢佛本懷”，但是意思很抽象，所以不是很明白。。。

四悉檀
世間悉檀，
爲人悉檀，
行善悉檀，
究竟悉檀。


世間悉檀=〉以世間普遍的語言、概念等來說明緣起之真理。就是說民間迷信的説法，是不真實的。
爲人悉檀=〉為人悉檀，增加自己的善根
行善悉檀=〉是說要多做善事，為別人帶來快樂，增加自己的福報
究竟悉檀=〉世間流傳的東西多數是不真實的，所以我們必須去找出它真正的道理

First night without WynKids....

My course with WynKids is over. Time flies and yet will never come back to the old times anymore. Well i really wish time could flow back.... It feels so weird and lonely when i am not there anymore, that place is now for the second badge...

Yvonne, your a very responsible coach. You're also a very very caring person and will always want to know and understand more about your students. Theres time I saw your tears fall when you said that the person in the story didn't have the chance to pay back for his mother anymore, that scene really touch my heart. Maybe your the kind of person that is not very good at controlling your feelings. But, i knew you had tried your very best to stop the tears from dropping. On the personal couch, i was very impressesed that you can find out so much about me on just 10 classes. I must thank u very much, you gave me advice on how to be a better person. You encouraged me but yet i dissapointed you guys that i impress in my results.

Elwin, your also a very responsible person like Yvonne. You let me understand how important is health to us. In my opinion, you always want yourself to do as perfect as possible. That's the spirit i learned from you. You also have a lot of life experience to share with and I wish i could spend more time with you guys listening it. As you know, I earn valuable knowledge listening you guys telling your life experience. You are a very helpful person, everytime when I need any help you will sure be very willing to help me. You gave me a lot of useful life advices and teaches me to do better in all catogory.

You both were very good coaches, i will never ever forget you guys in my life even if the world ends. I really wish I had more time to spend with you guys but the time is over. I am looking forward for the next time we meet. Thanks and I wish this memory will always be in my heart...

I got to know a lot of new friends in WynKids, and I learn a lot of knowledge that is very useful in my future life. Hope time may flow back to the first lesson where we can start again...